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Glenna Gillilan
23 December 2016 @ 02:29 pm
I've been talking to Ryan a lot about the Missional Wisdom Foundation that he works for, and I just found their website. It sounds like a really interesting organization and something I'd like to get involved with.

Ryan's on vacation until after the beginning of the year, obviously, but I plan to have some more in-depth conversations with him when he gets back. I'm also planning to visit SMU (Southern Methodist University) when the campus reopens after the holidays. I may be interested in auditing a course or two. (I don't think I could handle actually being a student though... not disciplined enough to spend that much time studying, writing papers, etc.!)

I do want to find a way to minister to and serve people if I can, though. I want to feel like I'm doing something with my life.
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Glenna Gillilan
22 December 2016 @ 08:40 am
We had another delicious meal last night, prepared by two church members (who unfortunately couldn't stay to eat).

It was a Christmas dinner, turkey, dressing (stuffing), mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean salad, cranberry sauce, rolls, and three kinds of pie for dessert. I believe we had 11 or 12 people at this dinner, and there were still leftovers! Ryan insisted that anyone who wanted to take some with them do, since the guys themselves won't be around to eat any of it.)

I feel so blessed to be part of this community/family I stumbled upon just a few weeks ago.
Current Mood: contentcontent
Glenna Gillilan
22 December 2016 @ 08:22 am
Went to CitySquare (an organization that helps the homeless and other low-income residents of Dallas) yesterday to meet with a case manager... turns out I've known her for about 10 years or so. I'd forgotten she worked there.

We had a long talk, I caught her up on what was going on with my ex-roommate (whom she also knows well), and she's going to do everything she can to get me housing through the Rapid Rehousing program. (Normally you have to have been homeless for a total of 12 months over a three year period OR for 12 months straight -- what's known as "chronically homeless" -- to qualify for Section 8, but she's going to try to work around it.)

The only problem will be finding a place that will accept Section 8 vouchers. For some reason, according to my friend-cum-case manager, even the worst dumps in the city (where she already knows I don't want to live, lol) don't want to take them. So I definitely won't find immediate housing. But we'll get there! I'll just be spending a little (read: a lot) more time sleeping behind the duplex or on the porch at Bonhoeffer House. But as with so many other things, I'll deal.
Current Mood: happyhappy
Glenna Gillilan
15 December 2016 @ 06:38 am
Had a fantastic dinner at Bonhoeffer House last night. One of the residents made curry to go over pasta or rice, one of the guests brought goulash and pie for desert, and a good time was had by all. (I believe Ryan counted 15 people!) I spent last night and the previous night nice and toasty warm in a brand new sleeping bag the guys got as a donation and which Ryan gave me Monday night. I love him! 😀

I'll be spending tonight and possibly tomorrow night at a motel. My friend Kevin is taking me to see his pastor today -- she's already agreed to pay for the room.(Ryan's going to get in touch with one of his ministry brothers who works for an organization that can help me find housing.)

About the housing... it may be a group home, which I'm not crazy about, partly because residents share rooms and I like my privacy; the rent will eat up most of my check; and most important, it'll likely take me away from east Dallas and the friends I've made here. (I told Ryan about all these concerns and I'm sure he'll let Jonathan know.)

Dammit -- I've managed to finally find a place where I feel like I belong, and I might be taken away from it! 😢 Ryan asked me last night if I'd rather be on the streets in the middle of a North Texas winter just to be close to everyone. If you really want an honest response... at this point, YES!!!! Why wouldn't I want to be where I know people and I know they love and care about me? That's why I came back to east Dallas to begin with. It's familiar, and I still have a friend here from before I left. Why would I want to go someplace where I don't know anyone? (Trying to find shelter with a Glambert is different -- I feel like y'all are my family too. Yeah, well, it makes sense to me.)

So. I have a decision to make and fast. I also have to take into consideration all that people are doing on my behalf -- Ryan, Kevin, and Pastor Deborah. I don't want to feel, and I don't want them to feel like I'm throwing all their time and effort back in their faces. So what do I do?
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Cuckoo ~ Adam Lambert, Trespassing
Glenna Gillilan
24 November 2016 @ 10:25 am
It's a little after 10 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day, and instead of spending it with people who love me and want to be with me, I'm at Starbucks. (Hardly alone; it's actually pretty full -- but I suspect folks will be going home to their families come lunchtime.)

Instead of sitting, talking and laughing and catching up with family and/or friends (or making new ones) while breathing in the aromas of roasting turkey and dressing, sweet potatoes, vegetables, pies, etc., I'm hoping that someone will notice the homeless lady sitting here with nowhere to go, nothing to eat, and maybe get me something. (I'm not good at asking for money, although I haven't had a problem asking for a place to stay.)

I'm wondering who's thinking about me today? I'm wishing that someone would DM me and ask for my phone number and call or text me, not necessarily to invite me to their place, but just to chat. You know, that can make me feel better, too... the personal contact, not just tweets or DMs. Please, someone call/text and talk to me...
Current Location: Dallas, Texas USA
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Glenna Gillilan
13 November 2016 @ 08:55 pm
As of right now...

1. Save as much money as I can in December.

2. The last weekend in December/first weekend in January, get my ass on a Southwest Airlines flight to Boston.

Screw traveling around. I've made up my mind that Boston is the place for me. I know there's someone there who loves me and who I love very much. Her actions over the past couple of weeks have proven how much she cares. I'll never be able to repay her for her support, but I'm going to do everything I can to try.

The past several months have been some of the worst of my life. One of my best friends is facing at least five years in prison mostly because of me, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Even if by some miracle (and it would have to be a miracle) he gets off without a prison sentence, his life will never be the same. He'll be a convicted felon. How can I live with myself, how could I face him, knowing what I did?

I shouldn't be running away, which is kinda what I feel like I'm doing by going to Boston, but I can't stay in Dallas and I have no family or friends anywhere else in Texas that can or will help me. (With housing, that is. I have one friend who has supported me beyond measure, and for that I'll be eternally grateful.)

Well, I looked at the calendar, and the last weekend in December is the first weekend in January. Guess I'll be pushing back my leave date by a few days. Well, my friend and I will be discussing it as the time gets closer. Meanwhile, the important thing is to save money.
Current Location: Dallas, Texas USA
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Glenna Gillilan
22 September 2016 @ 12:33 am
I just got kicked out of the Greyhound station (don't have a ticket). The security guy's parting words were "You be safe out there."

How can I be safe? I have nowhere to go, no one to turn to... I'm not street smart at all. I don't know who, if anyone, I can trust. People seem nice, but they can turn on you. I'd trust another Glambert with my life, but I can't imagine finding one out here.

Where do I go? What do I do?
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
Glenna Gillilan
21 September 2016 @ 11:32 pm
I've been under a lot of stress the past couple of months (actually longer, but the shit really hit the fan around the beginning of this month). And it's only gotten worse since Sunday.

I'm sick of my life. It sucks, it really and truly does. I want to get away from everyone and everything; go somewhere where no one knows me and I can reinvent myself. There's a world out there, a world of infinite possibilities. I want to explore that world. I want to reach out and grab everything the world has to offer. I want to do crazy shit. I want to do all the stuff at 44 that I couldn't do when I was young because I felt like I had to be responsible.

Well you know what? Screw responsibility. I have no one and nothing left in Dallas. I mean, sure I have a few friends, but I can easily leave them behind and not look back. Do you guys know that I feel closer to some of you than I do to my real-life friends? It's true. I've told some of you things I would never tell my rl friends. We've shared so much over the past several months since I joined the Glamily, and I love you all. I want to meet as many of you in person as I can.

I know I'll probably never meet some of you... the ones who live in other countries, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. Maybe someday...

I think I really have made up my mind about this. All I need now is some money and an idea of where to land first, and I'm good to go.
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: On My Way ~ Styx, Return to Paradise
Glenna Gillilan
18 September 2016 @ 05:30 am
Too much love will kill you,
Just as sure as none at all.
It'll drain the power that's in you,
Make you scream and plead and crawl.
And the pain will make you crazy,
You're the victim of your crime,
Too much love will kill you,
Every time.

I don't know why I'm thinking back to last summer and everything that went on. Four freakin' months that I can't get back, and that the other people involved can't get back. And I still don't understand why...

I mean, I know why I fell so hard for him. To me, he's the perfect man (just like Adam 😊). I just don't know why my bipolar disorder chose to rear its ugly head at that point. Everything was going great, and then BOOM! The bottom seemed to drop out and I fell. It was the most miserable time of my life, although the past couple of months haven't exactly been a walk in the park, as they say.

I guess that's partly why I'm thinking about it -- even though the situations and circumstances are very different, I feel like I'm in a deep hole that I can't climb out of. The more I try to climb out, the deeper I seem to slide. I know that whatever happens it'll be for the best, but I can't help wondering why we have to go through so much shit? I know that because of my experience last year I'll have more empathy and understanding for anyone else going through the same thing, but what's been going on recently... it's sort of a hell partly of my own making and I'm not sure what to do about it. And I'm not sure what I'm supposed to learn from it.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Too Much Love Will Kill You ~ Brian May, Another World
Glenna Gillilan
17 September 2016 @ 02:52 am
I tweeted Adam that I wish he'd write about his visit to Jerusalem this past week. How exciting that he was able to go there and touch the Western Wall and pray, as well as see other sights that are significant to both our religions (I'm a Christian).

I would give anything to be able to go there, to visit Jesus's tomb, to walk the same streets (well, kinda) that he walked, to experience thousands of years of history.

Do any of y'all live in or around Jerusalem? Right now I just want to immerse myself in it, in the history (mainly religious history) of it. Yes, I'm well aware that the modern city (and the state of Israel itself) isn't that old, but isn't there an "old city" built where the original one was located? (I sound so ignorant right now -- please forgive me.)

I've been thinking about something else, too... about how Jews and Christians are sort of family through Jesus. I know most Jews don't accept him as the son of God or the Messiah, but he was Jewish so that makes him a son of God, right? So that makes him a "brother" to other Jews. And since Christians are "adopted" children of God...

Forgive my rambling. Can I just blame it on the fact that it's 2:50 a.m. here? lol But I really do want to learn more about the Jewish roots of my Christian faith. It's just fascinating to me.