Glenna Gillilan (adamsglamcougar) wrote,
Glenna Gillilan

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Will I always go through life feeling like I don't really belong? I gave up trying to get together with old school friends and people like that long ago. They'd say, "Yeah, we'll do something soon", but nothing ever came of it.

I became a Glambert because of Adam's music and who he is, just like y'all did, but I was also hoping to make some real friends in the fandom, too. After all, "We Are Glamily", right? And I have met some wonderful people... although none of them seem to live in Dallas, or if they do they're not interested in making another real friend. That's the only thing I can think. The only other reason I can think of is that it is me -- that there must be something about me that turns people off and sends them running even before they get a chance to really know me. And for the life of me, I can't figure out what it could be.

I mean, even my new friends at Bonhoeffer House -- I can hang out and meet them there, but they won't invite me anywhere to do stuff. They are trying to come up with ways to make me feel more a part of things (after I told Ryan that's what I wanted), but still...

I just get so bored sitting at Starbucks all day, or sitting on the porch at Bonhoeffer, or sitting at the church... I want to be doing something, but I'm afraid of seeming like I'm pushing myself on people.

Ah, my needinesss... that's another entry for another time...
Tags: depression, friendship, loneliness, neediness

Posts from This Journal “depression” Tag

  • Had a lovely talk with Ryan

    He told me that Pastor Adam at the church texted him and told him I was really depressed (which, admittedly I wasn't happy about at first... it kind…

  • (no subject)

    I talked to one of the guys at Bonhoeffer House after Bible study last Monday night. Ryan and the others have been doing so much to make me feel…

  • (no subject)

    I'm really starting to hate myself right now. I kind of feel like I'm pushing Ryan away by being needy and clingy, and I don't know what to do. I'm…

  • Lonely and depressed

    It's a little after 10 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day, and instead of spending it with people who love me and want to be with me, I'm at Starbucks. (Hardly…

  • Handling jealousy

    *sigh* I really try not to be jealous of people that Adam pays attention to. I really do, but for some reason it's hard. I mean, I'm really happy for…

  • Still more musing

    I'm sitting here listening to Adam's music and wishing I had something that would really make me shine. I used to sing, but I'm so out of practice…

  • Hello, darkness, my old friend... (Part 2)

    I'm depressed and feeling sick and am thinking about getting really, really drunk. (It's just past 😢 My friend has been thinking…

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